Sunday, November 1, 2009

Lonely Souls

5 years ago, if someone came up to me and asked me about my opinion towards marriage, i would laugh and say it is a waste of time and a burden to every man. But now i see this in a different light. yes like every other person and like a stage in life one must pass thru, i fell in love. i am happy, i mean i was happy. my old way of life began to hunt me. i dunno if it is r=the price i am paying for hurting the different ladies in my life, but what ever the case may be, this price is costly. i finally found someone i was ready to settle down with and i ended up fucking it up with my stupidity. right now i feel like i am hanging on a rope with my weight depending on the index finger. once that finger gets tired, i am gonna fall and scatter to pieces. the girl i love so much now views me a liar and i understand cuz i have in turn lost my essence of existence. she is special and always will remain special. it funny the last time i saw her i was smashing my head into the world and into the close friend told me i was stupid and shouldn't have fallen in love in the first place. he said he knew it will never work right from the beginning. but what cud possibly be wrong in this chemistry? Every time i try to call or write i shiver. i remember nadia telling me abt butterflies in her stomach when she is love and i find myself asking aw she felt around me. maybe she had the same feeling in her belly, maybe she felt something stronger. i look into the mirror asking myself why? Why did i end up in some azeri pub and lie i was home. personally i thought i was doing her a favour. so that she will noy=t begin to think i was out with girls. but it all backfired. everything came crashing down. i do not know who i am. i haven't spoken to a lot of people in a while. i just blocked most ppl out. hoping for just the two of us. now i'm the prodigal son with no idea where to go. i have no home because ignored them all. maybe she will have a change of heart. God if that day comes i will hold her so tight u will think it is a billion dollars. the life a lonely soul inn Baku is a train heading to the end of the track. what happens after we will never know